Shelley Argent

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Shelley Argent

Activist and Advocate for Equality

but really Just a Mum

 I hope you find my history interesting and that it may inspire you to do something similar for your special interest or purpose in life.

For me, my transformation from a suburban, stay-at-home Mum to national LGBTQIA+ rights advocate began when my eldest son James, told me he was gay.

It was a time when being gay was the only right he had. However, most people hid their homosexuality because of rampant fear, ignorance and stigma. Simply because of who he was and who he loved, James was considered “less than” his brother Glenn. There was no way I was going to stand for anyone telling one of my boys they were less than anyone else or, worse still, didn’t deserve the same basic respect, rights or opportunities because of who they love.

More than 20 years of fighting for my boy’s rights started in that moment.

In 1998, I joined the Queensland AIDS Council (QUAC) and took my first step into the Rainbow Family, the so-called “Gay Community” was simply referring to lesbians and gays. There was no recognition of or word to describe the state of being non-binary, and trans people were there, but sadly on the edge — or at least that’s how it appeared to me.

Thankfully, society has changed a lot since then, to become more equal, accepting and understanding of our Rainbow Community. But there are still challenges to address, particularly for our trans members.

My motive in sharing my story is always, in some small way, to inspire others to fight for their rights, to make positive change and tackle challenges. Anyone can be an agent of change with enough determination. If you are considering standing up, speaking out and taking action to right a wrong or make a change in your community, as I did, I do hope you get some tips from my experiences.

I’m not an academic or professional lobbyist, and have never claimed to be. I am simply someone who saw a wrong, believed change was needed and worked towards that goal, learning and enlisting help along the way.

Here you will find a personal account of my involvement in the history of PFLAG Brisbane and Australia, how it grew and some initiatives we introduced. The second section is my recollection of the achievement of LGBTQIA+ rights in Queensland and Australia, and of the campaigns, meetings, lobbying and work I undertook, along with others to bring about change.

As I mentioned, I’m not an academic or professional. As such, my writing is informal, my tips are simple, the account personal – and not necessarily in chronological order.

Shelley Argent

Testimonials

Shelley Argent is a force of Nature. I first met her in 2006, soon after I came out on National TV in front of millions. Later, I was able to donate $20,000 to PFLAG by winning a game show. There was a period when it seemed I was on TV constantly as a poster boy for acceptance and an advocate for equality.

However, our story started 20 years ago when I decided rather than take the road of suicide to save my family from the shame of my sexuality which I could no longer suppress, I came out to my conservative country mother.

It was clear that she wasn’t able to cope with the revelation of my whole self, I’d heard of Shelley and PFLAG, so I gave her some of their pamphlets. It was Shelley who answered the phone when my mum was finally able to make the call.

Two Aussie women of a similar vintage and background, one would think should have been able to communicate with each other through this journey however it was obvious to Shelley, that isolated Australians in the bush were coming from a different place and she knew more needed to be done to bridge this divide.

Shelley created a new resource called ‘LongReach for OutReach’, in response to this need, which was to encourage better understanding for rural and regional people to accept the news of their LGBTQ family members.

When I was able to meet Shelley, later with a cheque for $20k it was at the same time she was publishing 5000 packs for families just like mine and the money was perfectly timed and so continued my admiration for this incredible Australian who saw a problem and came up with a solution without mucking around.

Over these decades Shelley was at the forefront of turning the tide of homophobia to that of acceptance and celebration. She was doing the legwork with politicians, to equalise laws, and direct meetings with anti-gay groups to obtain closer understanding, all the while supporting families going through the PFLAG journey, as well as providing her own family with love acceptance and support.

She never ceases to amaze me with her vigour and unrelenting desire to ensure there is space, legally and logically for all of us not just in our workplaces, in times of need but in our families of origin and the pursuit of creating families of our own without prejudice and pre-judgement.

All of this Shelley has done on top of her incredible list of other achievements helping the less fortunate across the globe.

In short, Shelley is a great Australian, who through kindness with pearls around her neck, perseverance and sheer determination has been part of not just my life but the lives of millions … and for that, I am forever grateful.

David Graham
AKA Farmer Dave, Big Brother Fame

I have known and worked with Shelley Argent OAM for many years and she is one of Queensland’s exceptional advocates for LGBTQIA+ rights.  As a proud mum, educator and volunteer Shelley has worked tirelessly devoting her time and extraordinary efforts to drive change for LGBTQIA+ communities.

Shelley’s work in ensuring legislative changes in Queensland has resulted in greater rights for LGBTQIA+ people, such as in 2017 the Queensland Parliament removed the so-called “gay panic” defence from the Criminal Code.  

Shelley became politically active in PFLAG becoming Queensland’s Convenor in 1999 and National spokesperson in 2007 and never missed an opportunity to raise issues that were important for the rights, respect and advancement of the LGBTQIA+ people and their families.  

She is truly inspirational and much loved!

Hon. Grace Grace MP
Minister in Queensland Government.
Previously Minister of Education, now Minister for Industrial Relations

No one has done more for the Australian LGBTIQA+ community over the last twenty years than Shelley Argent. And no one has done it better.

In her role as the national spokesperson for PFLAG, Shelley took on every discriminatory law and attitude that disadvantaged her gay son and all the LGBTIQA+ children of Australian parents. She stood up for LGBTIQA+ equality at every level of society from schools, community groups and health services, to laws about discrimination, parenting and marriage.

I cannot count how many times Shelley and I travelled to Canberra to lobby politicians for marriage equality and out to regional cities to speak at community meetings.

When Australians voted for marriage equality in 2017 it was, in part, because of Shelley’s efforts of two decades.

Many of the reforms LGBTIQA+ Australians take for granted today, including marriage equality, may not yet have occurred if it wasn’t for Shelley.

Shelley’s legacy lies not only in what she did but how she did it.

Shelley combined the very best qualities of an advocate and lobbyist.

She was direct and cut to the heart of every issue, while never being rude or dismissive. She was never distracted by trivialities or deterred by resistance to change. But as well as being determined she was flexible and adaptable when political circumstances changed. She could see campaign opportunities others were blind to, and she leapt on those opportunities with verve.

Most of all, Shelley never chose the easy path. She took on the hard issues when others walked through open doors. She refused to make deals or compromise on LGBTIQA+ equality when others settled for half measure so they could own the win. She never sought credit for her long years of advocacy in stark contrast to those who put in the least effort to win the most praise.

Shelley made immense sacrifices for the LGBTIQA+ community. She took time away from her family to travel the nation and she spent her own money to enable her advocacy and the advocacy of others. I still recall Shelley hobbling around Parliament House with her leg in a cast. That cast was a symbol of her indomitability and her selflessness.

The LGBTIQA+ community too often forgets its history and those who made life better for us.

But we must never forget Shelley Argent, and her strength, passion, intelligence and determination. Her decades of work for our rights stand as a beacon for future generations.

Rodney Croome AM
Tas of the Year 2015, Long-time LGBTIQA+ Activist

I have had the pleasure and privilege of knowing and working with Shelley Argent for nearly six years, however, my first memory of Shelley was seeing her speak to a large crowd at a rally for Marriage Equality in 2017. I was attending the event with a friend who had been kicked out of home by his parents when he was just 16 for being gay. Seeing an ally and parent publicly express such strong support for the LGBTQ+ community during such an adverse time for the community was incredibly powerful and gave us hope that things would change for the better.

During the last few decades, Shelley has dedicated much of her life towards contributing to positive changes for the LGBTQ+ community. This has included advocating for the community and lobbying the government to change legislation to ensure equality of rights for LGBTQ+ people. 

Likewise, her work with PFLAG has helped to increase the level of acceptance, understanding and support within families who have LGBTQ+ children. While her work with PFLAG and involvement in various campaigns is well documented, what is lesser known is that Shelley has also played a pivotal role in supporting several initiatives within NGOs to support the LGBTQ+ community.

Shelley and I first met after she provided an NGO with funding to provide training to school staff around Queensland on LGBTQ+ inclusion and I was employed to deliver the work. She had also helped to secure ongoing Government funding to ensure other levels of assistance were available. In addition to this, Shelley also funded the development of LGBTQ+ inclusion packs which were sent to every state high school. A short animation was also developed which aimed to provide information to LGBTQ+ young people and their parents on where they go and access help if needed around diverse sexuality and/or gender identity.

Through her providing initial funding support, numerous school staff were able to access training and resources that helped equip them to be more inclusive of LGBTQ+ students and to implement strategies to reduce instances of homophobia or transphobia. I know through Shelley’s dedication to this space, many LGBTQ+ young people now have access to more equipped, inclusive staff and learning environments. When reflecting on all of the things Shelley has been involved in over the years through her remarkable generosity, passion and dedication to improving the rights of LGBTQ+ people, it is clear that she has had an extraordinary impact on people’s lives. She has helped to change things for the better and continues to do so.

Dr. Kirstine Hand (PhD)
Educator

I have known Shelley Argent for over 20 years, initially through our shared involvement in the Queensland AIDS Council (QuAC).

Working with each other at QuAC in Brisbane was Shelley’s introduction to the multifaceted LGBTQ community. As such Shelley was keen to learn as much as possible about the diversity and richness of the range of individuals and groups that create this Queer community.

Over this lengthy period and through several professional activities such as administrative and social marketing activities, I found Shelley to be a person who shares and lives our community values. One of our earliest discussions was about the unfairness of no same-sex marriage for her gay son and his partner. Shelley decided that she was challenged as to why each of her children was being treated differently regarding their love.

One ongoing result of her qualities of fairness and personal integrity was her willingness to rekindle the significant community group, PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbian and Gay). Shelley’s approach to this group was built on respect for the efforts of the Benzies, the previous PFLAG coordinators and anticipation of the parents and friends who will join in the future.

Shelley focused on improving relationships with and among group participants. Through her people-focused engagement, PFLAG re-blossomed. Having recently graduated from her Social Sciences study, Shelley used her academic learning alongside her frameworks of personal & community values such as love, loyalty and respect for an individual’s diversity.

In conclusion, Shelley is a real doer. Once she believes in the right of cause, like achieving the legal status of same-sex marriage, there has been and will continue to be no stopping her.

For Shelley, it’s all about the people.

Chris Clementson
Education Officer QUAC (1992-2000)

I have known Shelley. Since the early 2000s. Given that I am a psychologist with expertise in LGBTIQ+ mental health, she reached out to me and asked me if I would like to do some talks for her PFLAG parent support meetings. We would meet at the Healthy Communities building downstairs room with a very large conference table.  There was a mix of those who had been through the journey and come out the other side and vulnerable new parents who had just discovered the true gender or sexual orientation of their kids.

Shelley held the space for whatever needed to happen in the group at that time. She demonstrated compassion and strength when needed. There were many tears, hugs and transformations that happened in that room over time. Shelley seems to have always been very driven by a strong desire for social justice and to defend those who are vulnerable and unnecessarily suffering due to ignorance and ideologies that were harmful.

Over the years, I saw quite a few of Shelley’s projects including TV commercials, mailouts and email campaigns.

An Australian Story was written in 2010 about her and her son, and the book she had written about suffering and hope to inspire those who are being harmed.

Shelley and I would often meet as we were both lobbying for marriage equality in Parliament House in Canberra. We would share stories and support each other when it seemed at times things were futile. We were both invited along with Rodney Croome, Jacqui and Karen Phelps to speak with Julia Gillard the Prime Minister at the time.

I was constantly amazed at how she would never be intimidated by anyone no matter who they were or what they said to her. She demonstrated great courage driven by the need to tell the truth no matter how confronting it was.

I was invited by her to a lunch which was a political fundraiser for the MP in the Moreton Electorate. She said there were 24 invitations to the Brisbane Club for this event, and she bought all of them. She then brought parents who talked to Attorney General Robert McClelland about the harm that the marriage equality debate was having on their kids.

There are so many other examples of the contributions I have seen from Shelley and she has given hope to many who had almost given up. She as a straight Mum also was the ideal voice to talk to regular mums and dads with kids who were LGBTIQ+. She has changed the lives of thousands and has never sought accolades or shown any signs of being driven by ego.

Paul Martin
Senior Psychologist

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