History of PFLAG
My Incentive to Begin a Support Group
James came out to me in 1995, four years after homosexuality was decriminalised in Queensland. This meant James’ only right was to be gay, nothing else. Homophobia was alive and well.
One day I had a woman tell me my son was a stigma, and another time someone told me he would burn in hell. Another told me he didn’t deserve oxygen space. I really don’t know what they expected me to say, but the conversation didn’t end well for them. I never recoiled from such comments, I made a stand, and they were sorry they ever made such a comment to me. No one ever made such comments about my son and got away with it. Even if an MP suggested being gay was a choice, I let them know – politely but in such a manner, that even they would understand – that sexuality is not a choice.
However, within a year of starting as a volunteer at QUAC, I decided I wanted to start a support group for parents of gay sons and lesbian daughters. It was suggested I talk to a woman named Coralie Benzie, who had been the main organiser of PFLAG for years and was becoming burnt out. Within minutes she handed the reins over to me.
PFLAG Restarts
At first, I was concerned about my ability to lead this group but after calling a few other groups to see how they operated, I decided I could really make something of this. It would also help me succeed in other areas, namely building a profile and having input into lobbying of politicians. It wasn’t long before I progressed solely to working within PFLAG and no longer an education volunteer with QUAC.
I must make it clear, at this time in history it was called the “gay” community as many will remember. But over time the title has now become more inclusive.
PFLAG is a support group for parents and friends of the rainbow community. It is 100 per cent voluntary and receives no government funding. We encourage understanding and support of LGBTQIA+ loved ones, we advocate for equality and provide community education. This was all something I was keen to do. My logic was the more people I could get to support their son or daughter, the more people there would be in the community who would be supportive of my son.
The parents I met were caring people. I have always believed one-third of parents with LGBTQIA+ sons and daughters are accepting, one third will never be supportive and one-third – the group I met – struggled but wanted to understand. So, they came to PFLAG looking for answers and support.
I became the Convener for PFLAG on the 1st of April 1999. It was my goal to reinvigorate PFLAG in Brisbane. I remember asking myself, what I wanted to achieve and how would I do it? Then I worried, would I be able to actually achieve my goals? I wanted to meet politicians, become a known figure and have people listen to me. It took a lot of work and effort, but it was worth it to make James equal to his brother.
My first meeting at the helm of PFLAG was held on 19th Feb 2000. Ten parents attended at Allen St South Brisbane: a house given to Qld Positive People (QPP) by the Nuns at the Mater Hospital. Unfortunately, I was given an old set of keys and couldn’t open the door, so we sat outside under a tree with no coffee and no toilet facilities. But we all survived. The first year also consisted of me taking phone calls from distraught parents and keeping their mailing details with the hope of having a group meeting when I had enough names.
By 2002, I was beginning to gain momentum. I was gaining more confidence and being invited to speak to different groups. Little did I know what was to come. My problem was that the more I did, the more I saw there was to be done. And because I wanted equality for my son, I was prepared to do whatever was needed to bring about change. Once I became credible and confident, I began lobbying state and federal governments about LGBTQIA+ rights.
Additionally, I began compiling educational resources to support parents because, at the time, there was no literature to educate families or the community. I did as much research as possible to develop decent resources. I talked to young people, asking questions about reactions from the family when they disclosed their news to them. I needed to know things like what their greatest fears were about revealing their sexuality. I also spoke to different groups to learn how they operated so I could then take what I considered helpful ideas and develop a support group best suited to our parents.
In 2003, I began advertising PFLAG meetings once a month in the early general news pages (the first nine pages) of Brisbane newspaper, The Courier-Mail. This ensured there was a significant boost to the number of parents who attended the meetings. This was also the year we were included in the Brisbane telephone book’s community section, where only credible organisations were placed. Eventually, we were also included in MIMS (originally named the Monthly Index of Medical Specialities) doctors’ directory.
