The very first thing I would like to do is acknowledge the many people I have met on my quest for James’s equality who have helped me by giving me ideas, listened to mine and given me feedback. I must include the many who have proofread my writing over the years and those who have helped me by telling me their stories. I am indebted to those who have given me guidance and to those who were always patient when I called seeking information at inconvenient times, because they understood I was on a mission.
I must be honest and state that I would not be telling the truth if I said organising PFLAG, lobbying, writing resources, doing campaigns, letter writing, etc, was not a lot of work. Even as I wrote for this website, I was shocked at the effort I had put in over the years. But there were fun times as well, and below are a few of them.
Would I do it again? Absolutely! It was important to me that our eldest son, James, be seen as equal to Glenn, our younger son. My goal was to work until he had the right to marry and have a child.
No single person can ever say, “I got marriage equality, economic equality, or any federal legislation passed’. There were many people who were working towards the same goal. Some used different methods from us, but all were still working hard for equality.
In late 1997, I completed my first and only university degree at age forty-eight. When I started the degree, I had no study skills and didn’t even know how to turn on the computer. But I quickly got into study mode, and with much credit to Glenn, who taught me how to use the computer. I achieved a Grade Point Average of 5. Regardless of my limitations, I was pretty proud on graduation day.
It was during this time James disclosed to me he was gay. This revelation from James immediately helped me decide what I would do once I completed my social science degree.
As soon as I had my degree, I went in search of answers. I wanted to understand what James’s life was going to be like and I wanted to be an integral part of it. Additionally, I wanted to meet other parents of gay or lesbian children.
In 1998, I went to an interview at the Qld AIDS Council (QUAC) because I wanted to volunteer and learn as much as possible about the gay community. The interviewer didn’t think I would fit in, but I was not taking ‘no’ for an answer. So, he reluctantly let me start on the switchboard. Within a few weeks, I became an education volunteer. I further studied HIV/AIDS and providing emotional support, assisted with publicity campaigns and community education, and catalogued the library. I was correct in thinking this was the place to learn how to support James and understand his life.
Another job I had was to fill the resource racks hanging on the inside of toilet doors in gay bars. Doing this got me inside the hotels during quiet times, which meant I had the time to see what they were like, which meant there was nothing to fear. It was pretty funny. I used to deliberately put the brochures into plastic shopping bags and walk through the bar area. It confused those drinking in the bar when I walked in and headed towards the toilets. They always thought I was lost and needed directions.
Another great mystery to me was Sex on Premise Venues. Fortunately, I got to go inside two of them, which were real eye-openers. Now, when I look back, I wonder why, but at the time, everything was new and scary.
Additionally, I asked the workers at QUAC about any concerns or stories I had heard, which was a big help. Of course, some stories were exaggerations; others helped to put my mind at rest. One day, Chris Clementson, my friend and manager of the education section at the AIDS Council, asked me where I got the questions I was asking. He said they weren’t typical questions. But I was simply like a sponge, trying to learn as much as possible and as quickly as possible.
One day, I was with a group of men, and one of them started telling some sordid gossip. Suddenly, one of the men said, “Stop! Shelley is here!” “That’s ok,” he was told, “she is one of us”. I knew then I was accepted.
My Money Manager
Before I go too far, I must acknowledge my darling husband, Don. Without him and his generosity I would not have achieved half of what I did. A person can have the ideas and know-how, but without funds one doesn’t get too far. Many were unaware Don was not only my general support, but also my financial support for the entire time I was advocating and educating the community about the many types of discrimination we were working to have abolished. PFLAG remains a not-for-profit organisation, which relies on donations, grants and fundraising. It does not receive recurrent government funding.
